Marriage Tip #2

This is an installment in the Marriage Tips series! You can read marriage tip #1 here.

Always argue fair!

The first marriage tip was to laugh so much you do not have time to argue. What I simply meant by that was spend as much time as possible together having fun, making memories, and building your relationships.

But sometimes arguments happen and are necessary. What tends to happen is the arguments become so intense that each side begin to disrespect the other side. Since we are humans, we are fallible; but today, I want to remind you how to argue fair because it is very possible to have constructive arguments and still work on a solution to the problem.

1. Pray.

If you begin to have a problem with your spouse, pray about the situation first. Ask God to help restore the marriage and for forgiveness for your wrongdoing. Praying before an argument can give you peace of mind, makes sure you remember how to argue fair, and puts your marriage in His perfect hands.

2. Do not ignore the problem.

Every marriage has problems, even yours! We are sinners which means we do things wrong. If your spouse has hurt you, go to them. Tell them. Sometimes, they might not even realize they hurt you. Do not harbor hurt and anger because bitterness with grow rapidly which will destroy your marriage.

3. Do not call your spouse names.

This is definitely not helpful to get your point across! Credibility, trust, and respect starts to break down as soon as the name calling begins. If you are tempted to call your spouse a foul name, just bite your tongue! Remember the saying you were taught as a child: “If you cannot say something nice, do not say anything at all!” This well-known saying is so important, especially in marriage.

4. Do not raise your voice.

This is one of those things that just happens as tempers flair, but it can also cause more problems. Soon, an argument to solve a problem just turn into a screaming match. Screaming matches do not solve problems. Work on staying calm, cool, and collected.

5. Listen to your spouse.

Listening to your spouse is always the most important thing to remember during an argument. They are trying to get their point across just like you are. Allow your spouse to speak without interruption. There are always multiple sides to every story. You are not always right! Remember, there is a huge difference between just hearing your spouse and truly listening. Along with listening to their words, listen to their heart. More times than not, there are things your spouse is not verbally saying. Dig deeper and listen to what is or is not being said.

6. Take a break.

This do not mean separating. I simply mean that if things become heated (ie: name calling, screaming, and not listening), go into another room for a few minutes for a short breather. Count to ten, calm yourself down, then go back to your spouse to resume solving the problem. Sometimes this is tremendously important so you do not say something you will regret or disrespect your spouse in any way. Sometimes arguments will last days, weeks, months until a solution is reached.

7. Do not give your spouse the silent treatment.

First of all, the silent treatment is so beyond juvenile. So seriously, grow up! It bothers me greatly when I see people giving their spouse the silent treatment.

Second, the silent treatment does not solve anything. It just drags on an argument unnecessarily. Giving the silent treatment is extremely rude to your spouse and shows them that you do not care about them, the marriage, solving the problem, and building the relationship.

8. Make up.

When a solution has been reached, it is time for the fun part–making up! Just a simple hug and kiss or something more can restore the intimacy.

The goal when arguing is to find solutions to problems! Arguing can build a relationship if you argue fair. Also, your children are watching/listening when you argue with your spouse. You are teaching them how to solve problems whether you realize it or not.

Do you think there is such a thing as arguing fair? What other tips would you add on how to argue fair?

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Blessings, Big and Small #8-22

This is an installment in the Blessing, Big and Small series.

Over the past couple weeks, God has blessed me beyond measure yet again! Here is how:

 

8. Mister being able to participate in half of Bethel Baptist Church’s basketball season.

9. My parents treating us to the last after-basketball Dairy Queen.

10. A new Vera Bradley hipster purse with matching wallet.

11. An off-the-hook birthday!

12. Celebrating a RISEN Saviour!

13. Dinner with family I have not seen in a while. There were lots of laughs as always.

14. Lots of giggles of Noel in her Easter dress. Mister cannot believe I bought a dress for Noel for Easter. He was mortified! Ha!

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15. 79 cent movies at Drug Mart for our first Monday movie night after basketball season.

16. Impromptu date night at a Cavs game.

17. Mister having a day off before a drill weekend.

18. Having a drill weekend that went by fast. That very rarely happens!

19. Awesome weather! I worked on a project for Noel so she can use our full yard without me being outside.

20. Noel kind of learning that it is OK to be outside without me. She freaks out less and less each time.

21. A ginormous yard. Mister and I have never had a yard this big. Living in the country is great 🙂

22. Unexpected last minute local tax refund.

 

I love counting blessings! God is good all the time!

 

How has God blessed you in the past few weeks? 

 

Impromptu Date Night Thanks to the USO

We had been talking about what we wanted to do for a date day/night for the month of April when I received an email from the USO. They had FREE Cavs tickets! I emailed back saying that I would totally take some. So there we are with Cavs tickets. What a perfect date night!

Since it was a Wednesday night game, we were slightly late because we had to drive an hour to the Q Arena.

Our seats were great for being free, and our whole section even won free tickets to a Gladiators game thanks to a fan winning one of the contests! So there is another date night at the end of the month.

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So glad we were able to get a date night in and was very unexpected! I love spending time with my Handsome!!!

Thanks, USO!!!

To My Wonderful Wife {Guest Post from My Husband}

5 wake-ups until my 21st birthday! We are continuing the celebrating on my blog, and my amazing husband will be joining us today. Today is the first time I have read what he has written, and I have definitely been looking forward to it!!!

 

Dear K,
I have been sitting here staring at the screen pondering what I should write. Should I write about how funny you are? How when I am having a bad day, you are always there to cheer me up. Should I write about how smart you are? How you juggle all the bills, the housework, prepare the meals, and still find time to spend with me. Or should I tell all your readers how much I love you? How you are all I think about, and how whenever I leave you all I want is to come back to you. I decided instead to write you this short letter, because I don’t want to talk to your readers. I want to talk to you, and the only thing that I can think of is “I LOVE YOU”!!!! Words can not express how much I love you. I thank God every day that He brought us together. I want to spend every second of every day with you. I don’t know exactly what the Lord has in store for our future. All I know that as long as I have you, I have everything I need. It is your birthday this week, and I want it all to be about you because you deserve it. I wish that I could give you the world, but I hope you can settle for my heart. HAPPY BIRTHDAY VITA MIA AMORE MIO!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE,
MISTER

 

Do not forget to enter the giveaway that is still running. Go here to enter!

Interdependence

This is a guest post I wrote for Singing Through the Rain a while back before I had a blog.

My husband and I are doing a year-long devotional book called Devotions for a Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. We both have learned so much through this book, and it has been a tremendous blessing to us. Week twenty-three, the author spoke of a Vietnam vet and his now-wife. After being ambushed while on patrol in Vietnam, the vet lost his vision. His girlfriend stood by his side during his recovery, and they were married. The lesson to be learned in this devotion is that we are all interdependent with our spouse. When we said “I do,” we gave up the right to independence for interdependence. When I became a military spouse, I literally gave up my independence to become an Army dependent.

To read the rest, go to Interdependence. Enjoy!

Honor a Widow(er)

Many men and women have lost their spouse. Whether to war, cancer, suicide, or another way, it’s never easy to go through Valentine’s Day without their spouse. Seeing all the happy couples can be tremendously difficult.

As a military spouse, it’s difficult when my husband isn’t with me for Valentine’s Day; but I couldn’t imagine him not being here ever.

Here are some ways to honor a widow(er)…

1) Buy flowers/chocolates
2) Pay for a massage
3) Take them out for a special dinner
4) Surprise them with dinner at your/their house
5) Buy a gift card for their favorite store
6) Write them a letter and tell them what they mean to you
7) Give them a hug. A simple hug can go a long way!
8) Have a party/get together for all the widow(er)s
9) Pay for their groceries for a week
10) Offer babysitting so they can have some quiet time

There are many other ways to honor a widow(er) and make them feel special especially during a time when it’s all about couples. Get creative!

You Are Loved Banquet 2013

The night I’ve been looking forward to for weeks finally came! My parents’ came over to puppy-sit, and my mom helped me get ready!

Before for the banquet

Before for the banquet

Noel wanted to sit on our laps, so this is our family picture! :)

Noel wanted to sit on our laps, so this is our family picture! 🙂

We drove to Hartville Kitchen, and when we arrived, Forever Captured Photography was taking everyone’s picture in  front of the beautiful staircase. I’ll be sure to share when I have it.

We made our way back to the banquet room, and it was decorated in a “love birds” theme.

Our tables centerpiece. One lucky winner at each table took the centerpiece home.

Our table’s centerpiece. One lucky winner at each table took the centerpiece home. Each person received a small goodie bag of Dove chocolates!

The program for the evening :)

The program for the evening 🙂

"Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes."Song of Solomon 1:15

“Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes.”
Song of Solomon 1:15

We had special music…

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And a very interesting guest…

This act was hilarious! I don't think a single person in the room wasn't laughing!!!

This act was hilarious! I don’t think a single person in the room wasn’t laughing!!!

There were was a game…

Husband/Wife cake eating contest.

Husband/Wife cake eating contest.

The wives had to feed their husbands giant pieces of cake without looking. It was very funny and interesting!

Bro. Robbie Morrison gave a short, sweet message about marriage.

Bro. Robbie Morrison gave a short, sweet message about marriage.

Then it was time for the Are You Loved? game. It was along the lines of the newlywed game. This is the game we were participating in.

Going over the "rules"

Going over the “rules”

Pastor D discussing one of Mister's answer. The look on Mister's face is priceless!

Pastor D discussing one of Mister’s answer. The look on Mister’s face is priceless!

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We won the Are You Loved game! The prize was a $50 Olive Garden gift card. We (especially me) were so stoked!!!

Here are a couple pictures of us with friends after the banquet…

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Overall, it was a fantastic night!!! We are already looking forward to next year!!!

God is Love

Two days ago, I began talking about why I love Valentine’s Day and why I believe it essential for a marriage. Many know the origins of Valentine’s Day is a celebration of Saint Valentine and blah blah blah. But I have a reason beyond celebrating Saint Valentine and love for my husband and that is God.

I wear a ring on my thumb that simply says “love.” It reminds me that I am loved by an almighty God, my darling husband, and so many people. It also reminds me to love others the way God loves me. One of my favorite verse in the Bible is…

God is love
1 John 4:16b

These three words might look so simple at first glance, but when they are truly pondered, there is incredible depth to them. Without God, we wouldn’t have love for He is love. His love for us doesn’t fade over time. It never changes and is always strong.

The word “love” in the Bible, God’s love, is agape. Agape love is completely selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. It doesn’t need chemistry or compatibility. It endures forever. Agape love isn’t an emotion. It chooses it’s passion. Agape love is redemptive and keeps our hearts pure and whole. It’s the utmost standard of love.

I don’t think we will ever be able to fathom the depth of God’s love. It’s beyond anything our minds and hearts can give on our own.

Of course, God’s love can be extended to all people, not just our spouse, but your spouse should be at the very top of your “To Love” list. When we struggle to love our spouse, we need to turn to God. He will teach us how to love because He is love.

During Valentine’s Day, while you’re showing love to your spouse, children, and others, remember Who loved us first and to love others with the same love as God’s love.

Why I Adore Valentine’s Day!

February is officially here! I’m ecstatic! During the month of February is a holiday that I love because it’s celebrating love! I love Valentine’s Day more than Christmas, and that’s saying a lot!

Many don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because of it’s origins or commercialization. Who cares what the origins are. Who cares about the commercialization. Not this Mrs.!

I look forward to Valentine’s Day since December 26. No need to waste time here. I start preparing. Planning the menu. Planning our date night in. Planning our date night out. Planning the decorations. Fiercely digging all around the internet for fabulous Valentine’s Day ideas. Thank God for Pinterest even though I’m not a huge fan of it typically.

Last year, our apartment was lit with over 150 candles. Our favorite love songs played in the background. We ate my delicious sweet-n-sour chicken with Momma Wu’s eggrolls.

I can’t divulge this year’s secret plans because Mister will be reading this, and it’s a surprise as always! But I will say that we have at least two weeks of Valentine’s Day plans.

I love Valentine’s Day because of the love that fills the air. I welcome Valentine’s Day with open arms because if it reminds me to hug my husband a little tighter, to give him way more kisses than usual, to go above and beyond in caring for him, to love him more then I’m all for it!

Valentine’s Day is one of those maintenance times of year that I believe is essential to every marriage.

If you will, think of marriage like a car. A car needs maintenance often just like marriage. Filling up the tank can be the equivalent to date night. Valentine’s Day is like changing the oil. (Wait–did I just equate marriage to a car?!?!?! Mister is rubbing off on me, and that’s  not good! Haha!) I hope you get the picture.

I heard several times that the love shown on Valentine’s Day should be shown all year round, and I agree! But how often do we get caught up in life and forget to work on our love, the passion, for our spouse. Slow down. Take a day and remember why you love your spouse. Remember why God brought you together. Remember what vision you have for your marriage.

I love my wonderful husband more than I can ever describe, and Valentine’s Day is one of those times when I can do something really spectacular for him!

 

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day? Why do you love it? Or not?