Marriage Tip #2

This is an installment in the Marriage Tips series! You can read marriage tip #1 here.

Always argue fair!

The first marriage tip was to laugh so much you do not have time to argue. What I simply meant by that was spend as much time as possible together having fun, making memories, and building your relationships.

But sometimes arguments happen and are necessary. What tends to happen is the arguments become so intense that each side begin to disrespect the other side. Since we are humans, we are fallible; but today, I want to remind you how to argue fair because it is very possible to have constructive arguments and still work on a solution to the problem.

1. Pray.

If you begin to have a problem with your spouse, pray about the situation first. Ask God to help restore the marriage and for forgiveness for your wrongdoing. Praying before an argument can give you peace of mind, makes sure you remember how to argue fair, and puts your marriage in His perfect hands.

2. Do not ignore the problem.

Every marriage has problems, even yours! We are sinners which means we do things wrong. If your spouse has hurt you, go to them. Tell them. Sometimes, they might not even realize they hurt you. Do not harbor hurt and anger because bitterness with grow rapidly which will destroy your marriage.

3. Do not call your spouse names.

This is definitely not helpful to get your point across! Credibility, trust, and respect starts to break down as soon as the name calling begins. If you are tempted to call your spouse a foul name, just bite your tongue! Remember the saying you were taught as a child: “If you cannot say something nice, do not say anything at all!” This well-known saying is so important, especially in marriage.

4. Do not raise your voice.

This is one of those things that just happens as tempers flair, but it can also cause more problems. Soon, an argument to solve a problem just turn into a screaming match. Screaming matches do not solve problems. Work on staying calm, cool, and collected.

5. Listen to your spouse.

Listening to your spouse is always the most important thing to remember during an argument. They are trying to get their point across just like you are. Allow your spouse to speak without interruption. There are always multiple sides to every story. You are not always right! Remember, there is a huge difference between just hearing your spouse and truly listening. Along with listening to their words, listen to their heart. More times than not, there are things your spouse is not verbally saying. Dig deeper and listen to what is or is not being said.

6. Take a break.

This do not mean separating. I simply mean that if things become heated (ie: name calling, screaming, and not listening), go into another room for a few minutes for a short breather. Count to ten, calm yourself down, then go back to your spouse to resume solving the problem. Sometimes this is tremendously important so you do not say something you will regret or disrespect your spouse in any way. Sometimes arguments will last days, weeks, months until a solution is reached.

7. Do not give your spouse the silent treatment.

First of all, the silent treatment is so beyond juvenile. So seriously, grow up! It bothers me greatly when I see people giving their spouse the silent treatment.

Second, the silent treatment does not solve anything. It just drags on an argument unnecessarily. Giving the silent treatment is extremely rude to your spouse and shows them that you do not care about them, the marriage, solving the problem, and building the relationship.

8. Make up.

When a solution has been reached, it is time for the fun part–making up! Just a simple hug and kiss or something more can restore the intimacy.

The goal when arguing is to find solutions to problems! Arguing can build a relationship if you argue fair. Also, your children are watching/listening when you argue with your spouse. You are teaching them how to solve problems whether you realize it or not.

Do you think there is such a thing as arguing fair? What other tips would you add on how to argue fair?

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Blessings, Big and Small #8-22

This is an installment in the Blessing, Big and Small series.

Over the past couple weeks, God has blessed me beyond measure yet again! Here is how:

 

8. Mister being able to participate in half of Bethel Baptist Church’s basketball season.

9. My parents treating us to the last after-basketball Dairy Queen.

10. A new Vera Bradley hipster purse with matching wallet.

11. An off-the-hook birthday!

12. Celebrating a RISEN Saviour!

13. Dinner with family I have not seen in a while. There were lots of laughs as always.

14. Lots of giggles of Noel in her Easter dress. Mister cannot believe I bought a dress for Noel for Easter. He was mortified! Ha!

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15. 79 cent movies at Drug Mart for our first Monday movie night after basketball season.

16. Impromptu date night at a Cavs game.

17. Mister having a day off before a drill weekend.

18. Having a drill weekend that went by fast. That very rarely happens!

19. Awesome weather! I worked on a project for Noel so she can use our full yard without me being outside.

20. Noel kind of learning that it is OK to be outside without me. She freaks out less and less each time.

21. A ginormous yard. Mister and I have never had a yard this big. Living in the country is great 🙂

22. Unexpected last minute local tax refund.

 

I love counting blessings! God is good all the time!

 

How has God blessed you in the past few weeks? 

 

Impromptu Date Night Thanks to the USO

We had been talking about what we wanted to do for a date day/night for the month of April when I received an email from the USO. They had FREE Cavs tickets! I emailed back saying that I would totally take some. So there we are with Cavs tickets. What a perfect date night!

Since it was a Wednesday night game, we were slightly late because we had to drive an hour to the Q Arena.

Our seats were great for being free, and our whole section even won free tickets to a Gladiators game thanks to a fan winning one of the contests! So there is another date night at the end of the month.

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So glad we were able to get a date night in and was very unexpected! I love spending time with my Handsome!!!

Thanks, USO!!!

To My Wonderful Wife {Guest Post from My Husband}

5 wake-ups until my 21st birthday! We are continuing the celebrating on my blog, and my amazing husband will be joining us today. Today is the first time I have read what he has written, and I have definitely been looking forward to it!!!

 

Dear K,
I have been sitting here staring at the screen pondering what I should write. Should I write about how funny you are? How when I am having a bad day, you are always there to cheer me up. Should I write about how smart you are? How you juggle all the bills, the housework, prepare the meals, and still find time to spend with me. Or should I tell all your readers how much I love you? How you are all I think about, and how whenever I leave you all I want is to come back to you. I decided instead to write you this short letter, because I don’t want to talk to your readers. I want to talk to you, and the only thing that I can think of is “I LOVE YOU”!!!! Words can not express how much I love you. I thank God every day that He brought us together. I want to spend every second of every day with you. I don’t know exactly what the Lord has in store for our future. All I know that as long as I have you, I have everything I need. It is your birthday this week, and I want it all to be about you because you deserve it. I wish that I could give you the world, but I hope you can settle for my heart. HAPPY BIRTHDAY VITA MIA AMORE MIO!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE,
MISTER

 

Do not forget to enter the giveaway that is still running. Go here to enter!

My Second Heart

Oh, how much I love my second heart! It beats vibrant and strong. My second heart is my love for the culinary arts.

My second heart did not form until six or seven years ago, but it has never faded away. It is always there reminding me that I can provide food and create beauty. I love working in the kitchen, and that is where my second heart beats the strongest. The kitchen is my personal sanctuary.

I can watch the Food Network or the Cooking Channel for hours on end and never be bored. The energy from food shows just seeps into my skin and adds fuel to my fiery second heart.

I mentioned in my previous post about a surprise my parents had for me. That surprise was meeting my mom’s friend who is a chef. And goodness gracious, it was awesome! Just hearing about his culinary education and career and seeing him “in action” was fuel to my fiery second heart.

I aspire to call myself a chef just like him.

When I cook, I feel like a completely different person. A different kind of blood flows through my veins, and a new energy floods me. It is like a breath of fresh air — new air. Creating something, especially something new, is magical.

We have looked at culinary schools for me when we were engaged, but it just was not possible at the time with Mister’s military career. I chose marriage over culinary school, and I do not regret that decision in the least because my first heart, my love for my husband, beats stronger than my second heart. It always will. Sure, some day, I would like to complete a culinary arts program; but my second heart will not be broken if I do not. My second heart could never be broken because I can provide food and create beauty for my husband and that is all the gratification I need.

Marriage Tips, Introduction

For the past two or three weeks, I have been wanting to start a marriage tip series but have been feeling inadequate. I mean, come on! I have only been married 2 1/2 years. Lots of marriage knowledge? Not in the least! So feeling a little inadequate? Just a little…

But here I go…

Introducing a marriage tips series!

In theory, I would like to have “Marriage Tip Monday,” but I do not think I am going to have something everysingle. Monday. So I will just let the marriage tips flow whenever they want to come.

The marriage tips I bring to you are things I have learned and hope they help your marriage too.

The Sin of Expectations

I was on Facebook and noticed a comment on a page I follow about the sin of expectations. It really got me thinking.

Is having expectations a sin?

We all have expectations whether they’re on ourselves or others. While I’m not quick to say that having expectations is a sin, I’m not discrediting it either.

So what makes expectation a sin?

One has to look at the source. Where is the expectation coming from? Does God expect certain things of us?

Most certainly not. He loves us just the way we are. We are loved because we are His, not because of what we can do for Him.

That means the source of expectations come from Satan.

How many times do we expect something of someone else and that person not live up to our expectations? More times than any one of us can count or would even want to. When someone doesn’t live up to our expectations, we become disgruntled. The seed of dissatisfaction can grow to outright resentment. These are things that can destroy relationships. Dissatisfaction and resentment are definitely from Satan.

What about the expectations we put on ourselves? There are a lot of those if you’re being honest with yourself. I would say the expectations one puts on their self is from Satan because we are already enough for God. When we are expecting things of our self, we aren’t putting our faith and trust in Him. Our hope is in the Lord. When we release the expectations we have on our self, we release those chains that hold us back from God changing us into who He wants us to be. Expecting yourself to be a certain “whatever” is putting the power of change in your own hands and not God’s.

Does this conclude that all expectations are sins?

Nah, I don’t think so. I believe if you voice your concern or need instead of harboring it inside and allowing that seed of dissatisfaction and resentment grow then your expectation should be met if at all possible. There is a difference between expecting someone to do something (like doing the dishes when asked or complimenting something when mentioned) and expecting someone to change who they are.

Look at the expectations you have on someone else or yourself and really ponder the source of those expectations. Evaluate how those expectations are hindering yourself or your relationships with others.

Do you think having expectations is a sin? 

Interdependence

This is a guest post I wrote for Singing Through the Rain a while back before I had a blog.

My husband and I are doing a year-long devotional book called Devotions for a Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. We both have learned so much through this book, and it has been a tremendous blessing to us. Week twenty-three, the author spoke of a Vietnam vet and his now-wife. After being ambushed while on patrol in Vietnam, the vet lost his vision. His girlfriend stood by his side during his recovery, and they were married. The lesson to be learned in this devotion is that we are all interdependent with our spouse. When we said “I do,” we gave up the right to independence for interdependence. When I became a military spouse, I literally gave up my independence to become an Army dependent.

To read the rest, go to Interdependence. Enjoy!

Blessings, Big and Small #1

This is in installment in the Blessings, Big and Small series

 

This past weekend was “cuddle weekend” as we like to call it. Basically, all we do is cuddle and watch movies…all day!!!

We love these weekends and look forward to them so much!

Saturday, we bought Deluxe donuts (only the BEST donuts in the world…I’m addicted!) and rented four movies.  We, also, munched on a big pot of chili all day.

Sunday, we went to morning church, talked with friends, picked up a FREE pizza, and watched NCIS (one of our favorite TV shows that we watch all the time).

This cuddle weekend was a blessing because March is going to be super busy and we had some time to just focus on us. Now, we are ready to tackle March together.

 

What blessings had God brought your way this past weekend?