A Different Kind of Mother

Mother’s Day is tomorrow. It is a day some are elated about, and a day a lot have been dreading.

You may ask why some dread Mother’s Day, but let me point out some things that most do not think about on this special day.

Miscarriage, loss of a child(ren), infertility, passing of a mother: these are just some main reasons why Mother’s Day is dreaded.

A woman that carries a child in her womb whether it be for a few short days, weeks, or month and loses her dear child is still a mother. She felt the love of a mother. This woman feels the same pain as the mother who loses a child.

It has been said that a child should never die before their parents, but it happens more than anyone would like. The pain parents feel is an unbearable pain I am sure. They integrate their child’s life into their lives and continue to live a “normal” life. Even though a child has passed does not mean that mother suddenly stops being a mother. She will always be a  mother.

Think of the woman that has dreamed of becoming a mother since she was a little girl. All she wants is a baby to rock, nurse, and sing to. All she wants is a youngster to chase around and teach. All she wants is a teenager to talk about crushes, teach how to drive a car, and help shop for prom. All she wants is to help plan a wedding and hold her grandchildren. All she wants is a child to love and watch grow. She wants all these things but cannot have them. She has the heart of a mother.

For someone who has lost their mother, seeing other children with their mother can be tremendously hard. Loneliness and jealousy may arise.

Those who find Mother’s Day hard may just avoid the whole day all together. So on this Mother’s Day, do not forget those who have lost or cannot have children. Do not forget those without their mothers. You could make a big difference in their lives by just remembering.

 

Remember and honor those mothers who have passed on.

Happy Mother’s Day! Especially to those who find this day hard because of miscarriage/loss of child(ren) and/or infertility.

 

 

*Children: From birth to death because we will always be children to our parents no matter our age.

 

 

Marriage Tip #2

This is an installment in the Marriage Tips series! You can read marriage tip #1 here.

Always argue fair!

The first marriage tip was to laugh so much you do not have time to argue. What I simply meant by that was spend as much time as possible together having fun, making memories, and building your relationships.

But sometimes arguments happen and are necessary. What tends to happen is the arguments become so intense that each side begin to disrespect the other side. Since we are humans, we are fallible; but today, I want to remind you how to argue fair because it is very possible to have constructive arguments and still work on a solution to the problem.

1. Pray.

If you begin to have a problem with your spouse, pray about the situation first. Ask God to help restore the marriage and for forgiveness for your wrongdoing. Praying before an argument can give you peace of mind, makes sure you remember how to argue fair, and puts your marriage in His perfect hands.

2. Do not ignore the problem.

Every marriage has problems, even yours! We are sinners which means we do things wrong. If your spouse has hurt you, go to them. Tell them. Sometimes, they might not even realize they hurt you. Do not harbor hurt and anger because bitterness with grow rapidly which will destroy your marriage.

3. Do not call your spouse names.

This is definitely not helpful to get your point across! Credibility, trust, and respect starts to break down as soon as the name calling begins. If you are tempted to call your spouse a foul name, just bite your tongue! Remember the saying you were taught as a child: “If you cannot say something nice, do not say anything at all!” This well-known saying is so important, especially in marriage.

4. Do not raise your voice.

This is one of those things that just happens as tempers flair, but it can also cause more problems. Soon, an argument to solve a problem just turn into a screaming match. Screaming matches do not solve problems. Work on staying calm, cool, and collected.

5. Listen to your spouse.

Listening to your spouse is always the most important thing to remember during an argument. They are trying to get their point across just like you are. Allow your spouse to speak without interruption. There are always multiple sides to every story. You are not always right! Remember, there is a huge difference between just hearing your spouse and truly listening. Along with listening to their words, listen to their heart. More times than not, there are things your spouse is not verbally saying. Dig deeper and listen to what is or is not being said.

6. Take a break.

This do not mean separating. I simply mean that if things become heated (ie: name calling, screaming, and not listening), go into another room for a few minutes for a short breather. Count to ten, calm yourself down, then go back to your spouse to resume solving the problem. Sometimes this is tremendously important so you do not say something you will regret or disrespect your spouse in any way. Sometimes arguments will last days, weeks, months until a solution is reached.

7. Do not give your spouse the silent treatment.

First of all, the silent treatment is so beyond juvenile. So seriously, grow up! It bothers me greatly when I see people giving their spouse the silent treatment.

Second, the silent treatment does not solve anything. It just drags on an argument unnecessarily. Giving the silent treatment is extremely rude to your spouse and shows them that you do not care about them, the marriage, solving the problem, and building the relationship.

8. Make up.

When a solution has been reached, it is time for the fun part–making up! Just a simple hug and kiss or something more can restore the intimacy.

The goal when arguing is to find solutions to problems! Arguing can build a relationship if you argue fair. Also, your children are watching/listening when you argue with your spouse. You are teaching them how to solve problems whether you realize it or not.

Do you think there is such a thing as arguing fair? What other tips would you add on how to argue fair?

Impromptu Date Night Thanks to the USO

We had been talking about what we wanted to do for a date day/night for the month of April when I received an email from the USO. They had FREE Cavs tickets! I emailed back saying that I would totally take some. So there we are with Cavs tickets. What a perfect date night!

Since it was a Wednesday night game, we were slightly late because we had to drive an hour to the Q Arena.

Our seats were great for being free, and our whole section even won free tickets to a Gladiators game thanks to a fan winning one of the contests! So there is another date night at the end of the month.

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So glad we were able to get a date night in and was very unexpected! I love spending time with my Handsome!!!

Thanks, USO!!!

More Than Bunnies, Candy, and Pastel Colors

Easter is so much more. So much more than bunnies. So much more than candy. So much more than pastel colors. These are the things we see all over town around Easter time, but I want the world to know something. It is so much more.

Easter time is celebrating a man that died on the cross but more importantly a man who rose from the grave. This man is Jesus. He had no sin but died to atone for the sins of the world–for every single person.

And He is so much more than “just a man.” He is my Lord. He is my Friend. He is my Saviour.

He is my Saviour because he conquered death. He made a way for me to go to Heaven. He made a way for you to go to Heaven. He can be your Saviour too!

I do not know about you; but when I think of what Easter really means, it is so much more. So much more than we could ever imagine.

Easter is about the cross and the stone that was rolled away.

So…

Happy Resurrection Sunday, dear one!

21 Acts of Kindness for my 21st Birthday

For my 21st birthday, I did not want to do something for myself but for others. Lying in bed one night while attempting to fall asleep, the thought popped in my head to do 21 acts of kindness to celebrate my birthday. What a great way to do something for others!

I spent the whole month of March looking for opportunities and waiting for God’s leading as to what I should do and for who. Some of these are simple, and others took a smidge more work.

1. Left a Reese’s cup with a note in our mailbox for our mailman.
2. When we were going through Burger King’s drive-through, we paid for the order of the car behind us.
3. Purchased a dozen donuts from DeLuxe (the BEST donuts in the world!) for Bethel Baptist Christian Academy teachers.
4. Made and took dinner with dessert to friends who are very busy. She is a pre-med student, and he works a lot.
5. Purchased a value pack of diapers for a young, single mother in our church.
6. Purchased the groceries of the lady in front of me at the grocery store.
7-11. Made chocolate chip cookies for the Mantua/Shalersville fire department, Ravenna police, Streetsboro police, the Sheriff’s office, and the Highway Patrol.
12-15. Made chocolate chip cookies for the four families in our cul-de-sac.
16. Made chocolate chip cookies for the sweetest man in our church and his wife. He is always checking on us and talks with us every church service.
17-19. Made homemade, organic body scrub for our preacher’s wife, assistant pastor’s wife, and a sweet lady in our church.
20. Purchased something for friend that she had been looking for but could not find.
21. Taped a small baggie of quarters to a Redbox so someone can rent a movie or two.

It was so much fun doing these acts of kindness, and I am hoping it planted a seed in me so I will continue to find opportunities to do acts of kindness for others through out the year. I ended up making 144 chocolate chip cookies–that is a lot of baking!

I highly encourage you to spread a little love, care, kindness, and grace. It definitely will not be something you regret and is a a ginormous blessing to the soul!

Do not forget to enter the giveaway that ends tomorrow evening!!! Click here to enter–it is so simple a caveman could do it!

My Baby Will Be 21 {Guest Post from my Mom}

3 wake-ups until my birthday! To continue the celebration, my momma is here today!

On July 27, 1991, we moved into our first home (where we still reside)! On July 28, 1991, I woke
up quite sick and after about two weeks, I made an appointment to see my doctor because I
thought it must be a stomach flu that just wouldn’t go away. NEVER did it cross my mind what
reason the doctor might have for my “flu”, we just never thought of it. At first the diagnosis was a
little shocking and our excitement just grew from there. We were having a baby!

We started praying immediately for a healthy baby, wisdom in parenting, who our baby might
become and the spouse that our child might have someday; oh, and I really wanted a girl. We
already had too many boys in the family in my brothers’ children and we really needed a girl
to spoil in the Cleveland area. We prayed constantly for a healthy baby because I was sure
there might be something wrong because of the horrible “flu” I had my entire pregnancy. You
see, my “flu” continued quite heavily for about 6 months and then tapered off to become more
manageable. I had standing appointments with the doctor every Saturday morning for about the
first 4 months to check me for dehydration. Yes, I was that sick.

My due date was March 30, 1992. The day before my exact due date I woke up with
contractions but said nothing to my husband. I knew it was too early to be going to the hospital
and had no intentions of being poked and prodded forever while we waited. We had planned
on going to Aurora Farms that day, so of course, I wasn’t going to divert from those plans! We
walked all day while baby shopping , went grocery shopping and were settling on the couch to
watch a movie that I wanted to see that night on TV when my parents stopped by and found out
about my contractions and insisted I call the doctor. By now the contractions were much closer
than hours earlier. I called the doctor right away, because if I was going to the hospital, I had to
go then because I had just enough time to get to the hospital and settle before my movie came
on. The doctor couldn’t believe that I hadn’t called earlier, so off to the hospital we went. I was
in my room and settle before the movie came on, so I was happy. I did not want any downtime
that would give me time to dwell on the pain of the contractions. The movie ended and it was
another hour before the real action started.

At 2:42 a.m. on March 30, 1992, Kayla Estelle Lopilato was born and she was perfect! She was
the most beautiful thing we had ever seen. She had a head full of black hair that stood straight
up and she was as round as could be, she was the perfect cuddling size.

And, the spoiling began! I mean, who couldn’t help but spoil such adorableness (my new word)?
Kayla was a truly great kid; she was always so bright and cheerful, eager to learn, eager to help
anybody in any way, never any trouble and always so responsible.

Kayla may have been spoiled but she also grew up sharing everything she had. In the
Cleveland area, she was the only girl among four male cousins…another reason to spoil her!
Kayla shared her toys, her home and her parents. My family is very close and my nephews and
nieces have always been a big part of our lives, and Kayla wouldn’t have had it any other way.
If we were out shopping and she got something new, she always insisted that we get something
for the boys too. And, if we went somewhere special, those boys had to go with us. Three of the
boys moved out of town when Kayla was about four or five, leaving Kayla and her cousin, Justin
behind.

Kayla was eight years old when Justin, then nine years old, came to live with us. It was at that
time that Kayla became a “mother”. Kayla was large and in charge when it came to Justin.
You see, Justin was lost without Kayla constantly reminding him about his homework, his
lunch money, his tie for Chapel Day, his gym clothes, his report due date, etc. If there was a
permission slip to be signed, Kayla would get a slip for each of them, or a fee to be sent in,
Kayla would take in the money for both of them. Justin never complained, I think he
liked having a personal secretary. Justin, who was 1½ years older than Kayla, had no interest
in getting his driver’s license when he turned sixteen, but when Kayla turned fifteen and a half
and started the process of getting her license, she insisted that Justin get his too. Kayla took
care of Justin from third grade all the way through high school.

Now, Kayla is about to celebrate her twenty-first birthday and is happily married to the guy that
we specially ordered straight from God back when we first found out that we were having a
baby. My how the time flew by!

My Sweet Kayla,

It seems like just yesterday that Dad changed your diaper and put Desitin from your belly button
all the way down and around to half way up your back. I think about all of our movie nights,
all cuddled up in my bed, watching the same Disney movie over and over again until the next
movie came out the following month. Nanny was so proud to haul you around everywhere she
went and especially to Young at Heart, she still talks today about how much the senior saints
loved you and you loved them. And then there is the time when you told us that Kyle Lindsey,
the boy that you always swore that you couldn’t stand, was coming to visit and before we knew
we were planning a wedding. Planning the wedding of your only daughter and only child is such
a special time and there was no sweeter moment than the moment you walked out the dressing
room in “The Dress”! We all gasped and everybody knew that was the one. So, now you are a
married woman and our baby is about to turn 21 years old!

We are so proud to call you our daughter and couldn’t be more proud of the christian young
lady that you are today. We love you beyond measure and wish you the happiest day, not
only on this your twenty-first birthday but every day to follow. We cherish the memories of your
childhood and look forward to many more years of sweet memories.

Love you bunches,
Mom

Do not forget to enter the giveaway! Only a few days left. Click here to enter!

Blessings, Big and Small, Introduction

Last night as I was tossing and turning, the chorus of a hymn from long ago popped into my head and wouldn’t leave.

Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
Count your many blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

I was inspired to start a series for my blog. I will be counting my blessings, big and small. I want to see what God is doing. Join me on my journey of counting blessings.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

Why I Adore Valentine’s Day!

February is officially here! I’m ecstatic! During the month of February is a holiday that I love because it’s celebrating love! I love Valentine’s Day more than Christmas, and that’s saying a lot!

Many don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because of it’s origins or commercialization. Who cares what the origins are. Who cares about the commercialization. Not this Mrs.!

I look forward to Valentine’s Day since December 26. No need to waste time here. I start preparing. Planning the menu. Planning our date night in. Planning our date night out. Planning the decorations. Fiercely digging all around the internet for fabulous Valentine’s Day ideas. Thank God for Pinterest even though I’m not a huge fan of it typically.

Last year, our apartment was lit with over 150 candles. Our favorite love songs played in the background. We ate my delicious sweet-n-sour chicken with Momma Wu’s eggrolls.

I can’t divulge this year’s secret plans because Mister will be reading this, and it’s a surprise as always! But I will say that we have at least two weeks of Valentine’s Day plans.

I love Valentine’s Day because of the love that fills the air. I welcome Valentine’s Day with open arms because if it reminds me to hug my husband a little tighter, to give him way more kisses than usual, to go above and beyond in caring for him, to love him more then I’m all for it!

Valentine’s Day is one of those maintenance times of year that I believe is essential to every marriage.

If you will, think of marriage like a car. A car needs maintenance often just like marriage. Filling up the tank can be the equivalent to date night. Valentine’s Day is like changing the oil. (Wait–did I just equate marriage to a car?!?!?! Mister is rubbing off on me, and that’s  not good! Haha!) I hope you get the picture.

I heard several times that the love shown on Valentine’s Day should be shown all year round, and I agree! But how often do we get caught up in life and forget to work on our love, the passion, for our spouse. Slow down. Take a day and remember why you love your spouse. Remember why God brought you together. Remember what vision you have for your marriage.

I love my wonderful husband more than I can ever describe, and Valentine’s Day is one of those times when I can do something really spectacular for him!

 

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day? Why do you love it? Or not?

Miracles and God’s Goodness

Two days ago, we received a bill in the mail from Metlife. I dreaded opening it because we have been having problems with them charging us for one hundred people since May. I didn’t want to have to call them back again (I’ve been calling them monthly) to argue about our bill.

Yesterday, I finally opened it. The first words out of my mouth were, “God is good!” The amount owed on the bill was ZERO!

For two days in a row, those words have been spoken in our home; and, after my post about decisions and miracles, we’ve seen God work.

We have been looking at our bills and crunching number, and we know that there is no way humanly possible that our bills will be paid. But God will work a miracle! Because God is good all the time!